ZQ#6 * A HYPNÓ PÓP MANIFESTING * + PRACTICE SNACKS by BUSINESS LUNCH

zine / manifesto with collage, short fiction (reality?) & motivational mantras
+ BUSINESS LUNCH - PRACTICE SNACKS album (download code)
+ brain washing bonus track by ikea
+ a page from ancient Korean spiritual text on volcano worship
80 copies only
£6

for our sixth publication we team up with 2/4 of ourselves (BUSINESS LUNCH)to release PRACTICE SNACKS, their cut-up/improv album recorded at HEATH STREET BAPTIST CHURCH here's what they have to say:

'mostly what you hear are the births of new songs played for the first time. as the rest of the process involves trying to get back to that original raw flavour, we thought we'd just record and inject you with the stem cell itself, before it gets the sides lopped off. most of the music was recorded on a zoom & sometimes a phone.'

listen while holding some smooth rocks & using our self hypnosis manual * A HYPNÓ PÓP MANIFESTING *  

sister group 'ikea' provides a thumping bonus track 'solstråle' using french hypotitst Emile Coué's mantra:

'Tous les jours à tous points de vue je vais de mieux en mieux' 'Every day in every way I'm getting better and better' 
useful stuff.

https://businesslunchisbusinesslunch.bandcamp.com/

£6 (+£2 p&p)

ZQ#5: KORNFORM: EN BOK OM SAND (SAND/HEAT/TRANSPORT)

Zine + music compilation (CD & mp3s) + three inserts (with interviews!) + a teaspoonful of sand

in a shiny cellophane bag.

30 pages, A5, staple-bound (copper staples!).

Limited to 50 copies only.

£5

Tom & George have only bloody done it again! Getting slicker by the minute (not too slick, mind), it's another incredible themed zine and music compilation. This summer edition revolves around the themes of Sand, Heat & Transport. 

The zine comprises a bunch of new 'fake sand paintings' by Tom & George, derived from a Swedish 60s science textbook on sand (examples below). Cut them out and stick them up to brighten up your overly-priced suburban room. Not only does this zine have thirty pages (!), but the main bit has been properly printed at a print shop and is in technicolour! 

The music compilation (on CD, but email for the mp3s at the address provided), contains over an hour of damned good music, including exclusive new tracks from DLR-obsessed star of the south Coby Sey, good-kind-of-coma-inducing-saxophony from everyone's favourite bearded gentleman Ben Vince, and a track commisioned exclusively for the zine by how-does-she-do-all-this-stuff-so-godamn-well Merlin Nova. And lots more.

And as if that wasn't enough, there are three gobsmacking inserts about the musicians, including some very insightful and profound interviews with original supreme punk hero Honey Bane and the unpindownable electronic wizard Merlin Nova. 

And as if that wasn't enough, each copy comes with a teaspoonful of yellow sand for you to start building your own private beach with. Because you deserve one. 

Reviews

"That zine is so annoying all the sand got in my hair and my rucksack and now it's in my make-up bag." 

-Mae Rafferty

It's a fiver all in so skip a meal and buy something great that lasts.

Love,

Tom & George 

£5 (+£1 p+p/paypal fees)

SOLD OUT!

ZQ#4: THE FARMER'S WEATHER (WEATHER/BIRDS/COSMOS/BUGS)

Zine + CDR compilation + two interview inserts + plastic bug, in a shiny cellophane bag.

24 pages, A5, staple-bound.

Limited to 45 copies only.

***UPDATE (2/6/17)***

The Farmer's Weather now comes with two additional inserts containing interviews with Martin Newell of 80s pop heroes "The Cleaners From Venus" and Nebraskan underground hero "Superstar & Star"!

Here's another, even more good zine and CDR compilation made via post by the hands of Tom & George. "THE FARMER'S WEATHER" explores the themes of the weather, birds, the cosmos, and bugs. It takes as its main source material a redundant meteorological guidebook for farmers issued by the Met Office in the late 50s. George thinks it very funny. Tom thinks it very moving.

In addition to a vastly more delicately curated zine (printed on boutique-y paper, no less), the accompanying compilation brings together over an hour's worth of fascinating sonic contributions including entries by 80s DIY heroes 'The Cleaners From Venus', left-field brummy poet-beatnik-maverick Paul Lester, psychobeat pioneer hamburgers "the 39 clocks", and many more to boot.

Each copy also comes with a plastic bug, for yor plastic bug zoo.

£5 all told, including p+p. The slight price increase is due to the better paper and printing methods, plus the fact that paypal nicks a portion of every sale (which we didn't factor in last time).

You can now also SUBSCRIBE to the next three Zero Qualms releases as you buy this one (below). This way they'll land in your lap without you having to do anything.

You can also now purchase the digital proofs and mp3s for the first issue of this series ("HOW TO COOK PERFECTLY WITH ELECTRICITY") for the price of a Dairy Milk bar, below.

CDR Tracklist for "THE FARMER'S WEATHER":

1. Layering the Egg // & Next We Will Be Whistling in Outer Space
2. The Cleaners From Venus // This Rainy Decade
3. The Phantom Payn // It's Raining Money
4. Lester & The Brew // Be Kind to Worms Week
5. Superstar & Star // Beautiful Girl
6. Death Rays // Ostrich Rider
7. Cluffy Floud // Fluffy Cloud
8. Michael Yonkers // Lonely Fog
9. Nico // Frozen Warnings
10. Paul Lester // The Privatisation of Air
11. The 39 Clocks // Rainy Night Insanities
12. Golden Ratio Syrup // A Screaming Comes Across the Sky
13. Death Rays // The Shape of The Night
14. Irma Thomas // It's Raining
15. Superstar & Star // I can Tell you Love Me
16. The Slugs // I don't Like Slugs
17. The Cleaners from Venus // Drowning Butterflies

(by the by, though there are some great women on this comp, in future we have decided to aim for a 50/50 gender spread - pat pat on the back for us)

Contributors send your addresses to: tom.oliver.graham@gmail.com for your free copy!

I think that's everything. Enjoy!

SOLD OUT!

Digital Proofs and MP3s from
"HOW TO COOK PERFECTLY WITH ELECTRICITY" (ZQ#1) 69p

ZQ#3: "THE PYRAMID SCHEME" EP by THE COOL GREENHOUSE

CDR, 24-page booklet, instructions, burnt leaf + plastic bag.
Distrubuted via a 'pyramid scheme'
(listeners who enjoy the record manufacture two additional copies and distribute them)

"A kinder, gentler kind of music"

Happy Inauguration Day! 
Finally, The Cool Greenhouse have finished a record - THE PYRAMID SCHEME!

Over half an hour of good ol' boot-stomping hyperminimilast repetitive DIY post-punk 
for your listening pleasure. 

You can hear the first single, "I cracked the egg" here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBYr1pLcT50&t=182s

Unfortunately, there is only one copy, and I have it. Luckily, it came with the following instructions:

TO RECEIVE YOUR FREE COPY & BECOME A PART OF THE PYRAMID SCHEME, ADD YOURSELF TO THE WAITING LIST BY EMAILING: THECOOLGREENHOUSE@GMAIL.COM

The badge you will receive if you follow the instructions successfully will look something like this:

ZQ#2: AUTHENTIC ART

Unique Authentic Original Artisinal Handmade Limited Edition Physical Natural Durable Yet Fragile Useless But Pleasing Organic Local Environmentally Friendly Probably Chinese Iconic Precious Stupid Handmade One of a Kind Chewed Paperclip Sculpture 
by Tom Graham

*

---->It's a status symbol!<---- 

Comes complete with a box that it can't fit into, plus a certificate of authenticity (signed by the artist!) written onto a torn cigarette paper, which I will personally scrunch up and put in the box for you. 

The certificate of authenticity also helpfully points at the bit which is art (not the box) in case you forget, but only if you arrange it in the correct way, i.e. so that the arrow is not pointing at the box (see picture). I will also attach a printout of this blog post so that you can use the picture to arrange things correctly in case you get confused. 

And you can get all this, and precisely nothing else, for either £293 (weekly average rental price in London for single bedroom) or £15, 236 (annual average rental price in London for single bedroom).

If that sounds stupidly and prohibitively expensive, it's because it is. 

I would also like to take this opportunity to wish a very Merry Christmas to you all, especially those who I might not have gotten round to seeing or speaking to this year. I'm doing good! I have spectacles now! Depending on whether my art starts selling, I may move to London in 2017! 

Also, a proper new zine is in the works - should be out just after the holidays. Watch this space, and have a cool yule.

Much Love,
Tom xox

Option 1 £239.00 GBP Option 2 £15,236.00 GBP

*The Paperclip Sculpture pictured may not be the Paperclip Sculpture that you actually receive.**
**In fact it definitely won't be, because the original has already been stolen, in what is already being described as 'the art heist of the century'.

ZQ#1:HOW TO COOK PERFECTLY WITH ELECTRICITY (HUNGER/THIRST/DOMESTIC APPLIANCES)

Zine + CDR compilation, in a shiny cellophane bag.

24 pages, A5, staple-bound.

Limited to 25 copies only.

"HOW TO COOK PERFECTLY WITH ELECTRICITY" was made by friends Tom & George by post, from an old forgotten pamphlet on automated cookery using only scissors, glue and two photocopiers (one in London, one in Suffolk). The compilation contains an hour of songs relating to hunger, thirst and/or domestic appliances. Enjoy!

CDR Tracklist:

1. Robert Ridley-Shackleton - True Weeb Alert
2. Los Cripis - Breakfast
3. Business Lunch - Apple Crumb Pot
4. Robert Ridley-Shackleton - Oven Song (24/09/2016)
5. Six Foot Pigeon - Ice Cream Sandwich (Instrumental Demo)
6. Los Cripis - Refrigerator
7. Six Foot Pigeon - Parsnip Soup
8. Banana Head - Chili Heatwave
9. Business Lunch - I Love Ice Cream (Live Improv @ Cinema Mele)
10. Blue Orchids - Thirst
11. Robert Ridley-Shackleton - Oven Song 2 (24/09/2016)
12. Business Lunch - Black Yoghurt (Mikey Reading Version)
13. Los Cripis - I’m Going to Buy Food
14. Six Foot Pigeon - Belly of Love (Demo)

£3 + 70p postage (UK 2nd class)

SOLD OUT

Digital Proofs and MP3s 69p